Love Should Never Hurt
Having a child gave me an experience I had never felt before. Unconditional love.
Typically when you have a child, the love you have for them exists when they are born, or even before. A precious gift of unspoken words. Its a feeling that can move you to tears. For some that connection never exists.
When somebody loves you, you should never have to question it. Not your parents, not your partner, not by anyone. It should be felt when that person is there or not. It's like a guarantee, not a secret game of give and take. I used to question if that kind of love really existed. Now I look at my daughter and I just know it does.
No matter what happens in life I love her unconditionally. She doesn't have to earn my love or question if it's there or not. I would never betray her or make her feel guilty for what she can or can't do. No matter what age or what I am going through, I will always be there to love her as her mother. My love has no conditions.
I am grateful that the generation I was born into learned the valued lesson of what an apology can do to you. Growing up I never heard the words I am sorry. There was never a time where if the adults did something that hurt me physically, emotionally, or spiritually they were sorry. If you spoke up and said that hurt you usually we were silenced, sent out of the room, or told "you're so too sensitive, you need to behave". I think about how my life could have been different if I had been given the gift of an apology or unconditional love rather than all that guilt and shame. If I talk about these experiences now I am met with...why can't you remember the good times you only focus on the bad, it must have been so terrible. Ya! It was!
When love is given and taken away it follows you into your adult life. The residual feelings of being treated this way trickles into every part of your life. Some people go searching for love in all the wrong places, they make decisions that negatively impact them because they are so desperate to fill the void in their heart. When love is treated like it's disposable it can have major negative health effects on you too. You can suffer both physical and emotional consequences until you decide to end the cycle.
For all the people in their 30s right now still seeking validation and acceptance from your parents or family...you will one day break the cycle too. It will always be painful and it will always hurt if you keep begging or trying to convince them that you're worthy. The thing is..you are worthy and thats not how love is supposed to work.
You too can find peace if you work hard on loving yourself. You don't have to have a child to experience unconditional love. Friends and animals give the same gift too. Choosing people carefully to be in your life and protecting your mental health is an act of love towards yourself. You can love yourself through the rejection, it doesnt mean its easy but it is possible.
I too am still on a journey of unconditional love for myself, I see glimpses of it every day when I hug my daughter, or play in my garden. Acts of self love and taking care of yourself are all the right steps into a life of freedom from shame. I am hopeful that one day I will be free from the sadness that came with seeking approval.
Take care of yourself. You deserve it.
Love, Naty