My only goal for 2024 is to work on my sensitivity meter.
Being rejection sensitive comes with a world of insecurities. I have had to learn while owning a small business that 9 out of 10 times people are going to say no to you. When you are rejection sensitive hearing the word no doesn't actually mean no...it means you are the worst, you are a failure, you aren't worthy of very much, everybody's stuff is a lot better than yours....you should really just quit. How rude of my self to be so offensive to the hard work I am putting in here!
Last year, in my "year of goo" I learned that in order to heal from hurt you have to name it to tame it. I thought it was ridiculous to name my anxiety or insecurities but the therapist said...name it, then you'll tame it. With much hesitation and feeling childish I did what I was told, because I wanted to feel better.
I would like to introduce to you Helga.
Helga is a negative spicy troll that just looms in the background of every choice I make. She tells lies like your work is crap, you'll never amount to anything, everything you do takes forever, no wonder people leave you. She loves to take up a lot of space in all of my thinking.
I am still learning how to tame this little beast but she is a lot less present than she once was. I aspire to be as present as that anxiety monster was. A skill I am working on all the time.
Add on being rejection sensitive and Helga/my brain like to have a fiesta of negativity at any chance they get. Helga's favourite time to add fire to my day is when I am feeling like I have accomplished a lot and one small thing goes wrong. That slob jumps out of the background screaming TOLD YOU. As if she knew from the start something was going to go wrong.
The truth is something is always going to go wrong. No matter what you do, something always goes a little of course. It's just a matter of how you deal with it. Have I flung myself on my bed face down as a grown woman crying over small things? Have I had panic attacks when my products don't sell? Do I get physically sick when people say they are mad at me...or worst don't speak to me at all? Why yes...yes I do. But, what I have come to learn over this year of growth is that...you can you do hard things even if your Helga is making you barf and cry.
Bigger and better opportunities are always just around the corner. You just have to pat little Helgas head and tell her to take a seat so you can go find the things that are waiting for you. At the end of the day Helga is actually supposed to be there...like during an actual fire or when a real bear comes so she just has to wait her turn before she shows her hideous little face.
Keep your head up and if you need to sneak off to have a little cry that's ok. Just make sure you get back up and try again. For anybody who's reading this and their name is actually Helga...don't let my Helga make you feel bad about your name because you are awesome just the way you are!
Talk to you soon!
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